My Greatest Fear.

One of my greatest fears is to be caught sitting on the toilet, pants around ankles while doing my business. I blame this fear on my Aunt Nina.
When I was 10 or 11, we had a family Easter at the Fred Wall Hall in the small town I grew up in. My family is really big and we could no longer fit into anyone’s house comfortably, so renting a hall seemed like a good idea, and it was and still is for the most part. The restrooms in The Fred Wall Hall are spacious- which I dislike.

I much prefer a restroom where I can be very close to the door so if someone opens it I can use my foot to rudely kick the door shut and shout at whoever has the nerve to have to use the restroom at the same time as me. Wait your turn for the love of Pete.

Anyway, when I was a kid, my Mom insisted my sister and I wear those little girl dresses with yards of fluff and tights to holiday celebrations. I was ok with that, except the tights never fit me right and I could never get the crotch in the right spot because I was way too tall so it hung down and I felt like I walked like a penguin all the time.
Anyway, I had to go to the bathroom, and I went in to do my business. I was only on the pot for a moment when the door was unceremoniously yakked open by my opinionated old lady Aunt Nina. I remember turning red and yelping, and she quickly shut the door. In my rush to finish, I got pee on my leg and had to use TP to clean it up. I washed my hands, humiliated beyond belief, and opened the door. Aunt Nina was standing outside and do you know what she says to me?

“You should have locked the door.”

So I said back, “I did. You ever hear of knocking?”

I was fuming. I was embarrassed. I never cared for her much after that. I decided she had old lady super strength and her arthritic, yet powerful hands had overcome the lock just to spite me and it was years before I could look her in the eye again. Since that time I have not cared for public restrooms. I doubt I ever will. To this day, I hate large restrooms. Give me a small stall any time.

It’s safer.